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Healing Betrayal

betrayal Dec 23, 2021

Good morning from the Arizona Family Institute, this is Dan Oakes, and I just wanted to make a few comments this morning about overcoming betrayal.  Betrayal is a common experience in our culture, and it seems especially for those of us that work in the helping fields, it's one of the things that brings people in distress. 

Understanding betrayal really has its roots in understanding our nervous system, and our spirit, and our desire to be loved and connected and to be safe.

Our nervous system is uniquely obsessed with finding homeostasis finding a sense of peace and calm and that's good that's really what we need for survival and for happiness and as we seek that, especially as children, we seek that in our parents. When we are hurt we run to them and connect to them and they restore peace and homeostasis and that's not unlike our parental relationships, our long-term loving relationships serve a similar purpose.  When we're distressed we run to our partner and seek peace and homeostasis and it works.  Our brain is designed for that connection.  However,  when those safe places become something that's hurtful through, affairs through secretive pornography use, through substance abuse, hidden substance abuse, when betrayals occur, be they emotionally, financial, or sexual, finding safety seems to be taken away from us and then our nervous system is left to run amok feeling like there is no safe place.

Understanding betrayal, healing from betrayal, and restoring safety for those that have been betrayed is a critical part of what we do here at the Arizona Family Institute and as a crucial part of living life and repairing difficulties and finding each other again.

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